Cases of herpes skyrocket after prospective students visit Allegheny College

Cases of herpes have skyrocketed across the country after hundreds of people visited Allegheny College. But how did they get herpes if they didn’t sleep with a guy from PhiPsi? The source of this outbreak was the famous gator statue known as “Pissy” outside of the campus center. 

While it is a great statue to take photos around, those on tour did not know that many drunk college students have relieved themselves on this statue before they kissed the statue for a photo opportunity. 

“I have at least 5 cold sores on my lip now and I will be taking legal action against the school for not giving us a warning.” One mother of a prospective student said when asked for a comment. 

In response to this outbreak Allegheny College is power washing the statue every day and has been urging students to go get tested for STDs so that they know whether or not they should be pissing on the statue. 

While school administrators have also been urging students to relieve themselves elsewhere, the tradition will continue for many years to come.